The Blind Side’s Michael Oher Needs Glasses

I recently caught a snippet of a TV interview with Leanne Tuohy, the real-life mom portrayed by Sandra Bullock in the movie, “The Blind Side”.  I was impressed and moved by this movie, which tells the true story of a well-to-do family from Memphis who adopts a teen (Michael Oher) from the projects.  Among the many things they do for him, they help him feel loved and needed, and help him improve his grades so that he can play football.  He eventually goes on to be a star college football player at Ole Miss and is now in the NFL.  In the interview I watched, Leanne mentions that Michael thinks he would have made it to the NFL even if she and her family hadn’t come into his life. Ouch. I know she was elaborating on his drive and determination but… would he really have become a star athlete without them? (or more precisely, without her?) Are parents or other concerned adults not a key factor in influencing kids’ lives? Is our destination really up to our genes?

Several years ago, a book by Judy Rich Harris entitled “The Nurture Assumption” made headlines with its claims that parents influence their kids’ destinies very little, and that instead it’s all about friends.  Peers influence kids’ lives and their “future mental health” the most, it said.  Huh?

I think “blind” is a good word to use in a movie about Michael Oher because not only is it used in a football term, that guy must be blind to the world around him.  As is Harris. Because everything I see, all the time, points to the strong influence of parents, or any adult who cares about a kid enough to notice their strengths, offer advice, encouragement, look for opportunities to develop their talents– basically help steer their lives in a good direction. 

I think of bicycling legend Lance Armstrong, who might have never gotten on a bike had it not been for Jim Hoyt, the owner of Richardson Bike Mart, who saw potential in him, gave him a deal on his first bike and introduced him to bike racing.  I think of my sister-in-law, who recently told me she majored in math and became a math teacher because she had such a good math teacher while growing up.  I think of my own children—  I exposed Allison to Broadway soundtracks and a box of old dance costumes before she was three; soon she was putting on shows and enrolled in dance lessons because she loved to dance.  Emmie got to take piano lessons after I noticed that her “banging on the keys” actually sounded good.  I also heard her belting out beautiful songs as she’d lay in bed and enrolled her in a city-sponsored children’s performance class.  And since I noticed she was climbing and hanging on everything in sight, I also enrolled her in gymnastics classes.  Today, their major activities and interests reflect this early nurturing.  Their lives have also been affected by other choices that Andy and I have made  – where they go to school, what church we attend, other organizations we’ve encouraged them to be a part of (like Girl Scouts), even the vacations we’ve taken.  All major influences, and all steered by us.  (I need to read this post again when I say no to something and my kids scream, “You never do anything for me!!”)

And I think of my own life, and how my parents, siblings, teachers and job supervisors all steered me on the path I’m on today.  Yes, I must have had some inborn ability with words, but I don’t think I ever would have realized it or received satisfaction from it or wanted to pursue a career in it had adults not said to me, “This is good. Keep it up,” and given me opportunities to go further.

Yes, there are stories of people who have achieved a career, a life, success, happiness, whatever, in the face of horrible odds, and it appears they did it all on their own, but usually if you dig around you find that someone in their life believed in them, gave them the break or opportunity they needed to make things happen. 

Just like good parents do for their children, and just like the Tuohys did for Michael Oher.