If the holidays and holiday parties are meant to be infused with joy and cheer, it’s ironic that sometimes, thanks to gift exchanges, people can leave those parties feeling kind of…well…mad, or at least a bit sour. Kind of like Jim Carrey’s Grinch when he receives a used electric shaver at Whoville’s Present Pass-it-On…I’ve seen these emotions a few times at adult parties and a LOT at kids’ parties.
First of all, most gift exchanges I’ve seen or participated in have gone like this: Everyone brings a gift and everyone participating in the exchange grabs a piece of paper with a number written on it, usually from a bowl that the host passes around. The person holding #1 goes first and gets to open an unwrapped gift. The person holding #2 gets to either steal the gift from #1 or unwrap another unclaimed present. If they steal #1’s gift, #1 gets to unwrap another present. Then #3 goes, and #3 may steal a gift from #1 or #2 or unwrap one. Usually the host or the “game-meister” sets a limit on the number of times a gift may be stolen before it’s “frozen” (unable to be stolen any more). And the “game” continues that way until all the numbered guests have taken a turn and all the gifts have been unwrapped. Sometimes with adults, this kind of gift exchange can be hilarious, especially when everyone has had to bring a “white elephant” gift, i.e. garage sale-bound junk found around the house. The laughs continue as people drink more wine and steal more tacky gifts that somehow have become desirable. But when it’s a gift exchange where everyone has to buy something new (usually worth a pre-set value, like $10), things can get kind of ugly when the stealing starts. And some people, especially kids, just aren’t mature enough to “roll” with it. They end up mad with what they end up with, mad at the person who stole their treasure, and envious of everyone else’s cool gifts…
Interestingly, yesterday I participated in a gift exchange and observed another (both were the kind where there’s a pre-set spending amount), and both were conducted so sensibly, I just had to pass on how they were done. At the first party, we all just grabbed a gift from under the tree and opened our gifts, and kept what we got. Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, and Hasta La Vista! I loved it. At the next one, everyone with gifts stood in a circle. The game-meister had me read a fun story about “Lefty the Elf” which involved multiple uses of the words “left” and right”, and every time I said either of those words, the gifters passed their gift to the left or right, and when the story was over, they kept what was in their hands. There were lots of laughs as the “lefts” and rights” came faster and faster and the gifts got passed and re-passed, like playing “hot potato”. While I’m not sure if everyone liked what they ended up with, I’m pretty sure everyone had so much fun passing the gifts that I don’t think the gift mattered.
Later when I got home, I Googled “Lefty the Elf”, and it turns out there are lots of left-right gift exchange stories that can be used—here is the link to the one I read at the party last night. While it won’t prevent all gift exchange disappointment or “gift envy” among kids and teens, it at least takes away the “stealing” aspect.
Of course, kids usually get presents from their families anyway, sometimes plenty, so eliminating gift exchanges at kids’ holiday parties isn’t such a bad idea, either. What about everyone bringing a new or gently used stuffed animal for a local children’s charity? Or bringing school supplies, candy and small toys and assembling gift boxes for children in other countries? Operation Christmas Child is a good option for this (even though their national shoe box collection week is in November, they take mailed-in boxes year-round). Or, every child could bring 1 or 2 items of used clothing to give away, and divide into two teams. Have team members put their clothing donations into their “team pile”, and have a dress-up relay where each team has to figure out a way to get the lead person on their team dressed in the items (on top of what they’re already wearing) without hurting the items, then they run across the room (or grass, or gym) to a certain point and come back, take off the clothes, then the next person has to get dressed up and run. Depending on what the team has brought to contribute, the “dress up” can be pretty crazy. (All shoes? Underwear? Hats? Baby clothes they have to hang on their arms or tuck in their shirts?) Then after everyone has had fun, all the items are donated to Goodwill or the Salvation Army or another charity that takes clothing. How fun would that be? And if it becomes an annual tradition, people can plan ahead and contribute even more “challenging” clothing items for next year’s relay…
Definitely a party even a Grinch would love.