I’m out of checks (or as you Brits spell it, cheques). Yes, I ignored the “TIME TO REORDER” warning sheet at the top of the very last bunch and here I am, nary a check in sight. I keep writing “Order Checks!!!” on my To Do lists and it’s not getting done—but I better do it now because I’m tired of going to the bank for cash, and hubby has started having to write a few from his own account—and I know he might have heart trouble if he sees just how many checks have to be written from the joint account each week.
And so, since I’m one of the “lucky” ones whose bank lets them order any kind of color and style and design they’d like, I thought this time I would finally chose something “different”. I mean, writing checks is boring and never-ending, right? (Note to those of you who don’t have kids– parents can’t “pay online” for most of their kids’ school and activity expenses, so it really is never-ending check writing!) So why not liven things up, not only for the person who writes the checks, but for the person who receives them and processes them? But… every time I re-order and look into changing, the selection of designs is sadly limited and mostly cheesy, and so lately I’ve stuck to the basics. I wonder if things have gotten any better since check number 0700…
This time I looked online as well as in the Sunday newspaper’s coupon sections. There are a LOT of check companies out there, and currently they include such design offerings as: Thomas Kinkade (the “Painter of Light”, who I think is a bit over-rated and way over-marketed); Precious Moments (um, a LOT over-rated and way over-marketed); 9/11 Firefighters (truly heroes, but it seems disrespectful to write “Fireplug Dog Grooming” across their faces once a month); Fairies (um, do 5-year-olds now have checking accounts?); Harleys, dirt bikes and Chevy trucks (uh, no!); and “Salsa Checks”, depicting 19 (yes, I counted) different hot peppers scattered over 4 different check designs (Aye, Caramba!). There were “Carousel Horses”, “Flip Flops”, checks with all sorts of cute puppy faces, and something called “Girly Camo” (??). There were “Lil’ Angels”, cats, and a really disturbing one that combined those two called “Cat Masterpieces” (paintings of cats with wings…yep, a veritable checkbook freakshow…).
I got excited when I saw one called “Coffee Break”—‘Oh, that should be perfect for me,’ I’m thinking, imagining something designed in a retro brown and aqua palette and maybe showing a small coffee mug graphic. No, it was a set of checks that actually look like someone has placed their coffee cup on top and spilled coffee on the checks. Okay, am I missing something here? Who wants to give a check that looks like it’s been spilled on, in four different ways? If it’s supposed to be a joke, like maybe so the check receiver will think it’s still wet and flap it in the air to dry, only to realize they’ve been punked—why stop at coffee? Make a vomit check, a blood check, a squashed bug check… geesh, in a household with kids and dogs, I’ve got enough messes to worry about that I don’t need to pay extra for something to look stained! One online check company also had a music category, but when I clicked on it, there were only a few choices, including KISS, Ozzy Osbourne, and Pantera. Huh? I mean, I like hard rock sometimes, but on a check? Nothing screams professionalism like Paying to the Order of Gene Simmons’ tongue, right? It’s as if the check designers weren’t aware of any other musicians…or maybe, that they only create designs for a certain demographic…
Wait a minute. Does that mean they think only a certain kind of person goes for something different than the plain old gray, green or tan institutionalized checks, that are about as exciting as a bowl of plain oatmeal ? I BEG to differ with you, check-making companies. I want something different, and I don’t think I fall into your demographic!! How about some real masterpieces? Like a set of Van Gogh, Mondrian, Picasso or Rembrandt checks. How about some nice patterned checks that don’t include hearts or butterflies, like fleur-de-lis, toile or paisley? What if a real designer designed them? I can see it now…the zig zags of Missoni, the Paul Frank monkey…
There is a choice offered by some check companies where you can design your own using your own photos…hmmmm, now that could get interesting….but customizing like that takes more time to order and get processed…and a lot of those checks with full background images look like your writing would get lost, or you’d always have to use a certain color of ink in order for it to show up (like metallic or glow in the dark!).
I think I’m just going to go with something “botanical” and call it a day. Like something with a few small images on one side of herbs, wildflowers, or trees. Now, if only those trees could be yarn bombed…